Singles sites and blind date success

If you are separated many singles won't want to meet you until you are divorced. You can be on a singles site for six months and not get a single date closer than 50 miles. Many singles sites won't allow you to join or don't have separated as a category. Many people on singles sites are married people alone in hotels just browsing and never want to meet up. Other are unemployed and can't afford a date. Or handicapped and just want a look.

To get one date on next Saturday night when most people want to chat for three weeks before meeting, you have to join about twenty sites hoping somebody else similar has done the same. Singles over the age of 25 often won't commit to meeting - that's why they are still single.

A woman of any age who wants to see a man before committing to a date can go to any pub or bar wearing a short skirt and/or low neck top, and a smile, stand near a bar without a drink and pretty soon a man will offer to buy her a drink.

If you try to meet a blind dates in a pub you can and end up getting chatted up by somebody else. Then your real date thinks you are a couple and that you never turned up and goes home. Make sure you have each other's mobile phone numbers. 

Jealousy of the Famous and Rich - Helen Keller's answer

If somebody is famous and rich, you are inclined to measure yourself against them. Even if you know it's happening, it's hard to stop. When my father died in his early nineties I tried to be glad he had lived so long, which boded well for his offspring and grandchild and future great grandchildren. But when the Queen Mother died I kept comparing the age he had died with hers. He had not reached the milestone of 100 to get the congratulations telegram. He had not reached the age of 100 achieved by the Queen Mother. I blamed him. I blamed myself for not looking after him better.

In the news was a story about a TV presenter whose new car had been stolen. Several commentators were angry that she had enough money to buy such a car, and that she had chosen to spend her money on that car.

Two different issues. One is earning a lot. The second is the upmarket car.

Actually, three issues. One is earning a lot. The second is not deserving to be paid so much. The third source of annoyance is the choice of car, one which is large and obviously expensive.

I am not jealous. Because I have often thought that even though I am retired I could try to get a job in TV. I could run all over London auditioning for jobs and minor parts until I got a job in TV.

But I don't - because it's too stressful. All the highly paid people I know get up at 4 am to catch planes overseas, work until midnight to meet deadlines.

You may not have relatives or friends or a boss who works late. But you will probably have read about the Jeremy Clarkson who lost his job because he got angry at no hot food late at night, after working late.

People in celebrity jobs often miss evenings and weekends with the family. They travel, whenever asked, to jobs in other cities and other countries.

Then they often die young or get health problems from lack of sleep and stress. In my opinion, they deserve whatever it is they choose to spend their money on.

Now we come to a second issue. How can you stop feeling angry that somebody has more than you do, whether or not they deserve it. They have the signs of success.

Two bad feelings can result. One is jealousy.

The other is panic that even the rich and successful suffer setbacks. So even if I worked all year, or went without holiday to buy a wonderful new car, somebody could steal it.

Sometimes an art quotation is a quick response enabling us to move on. I like Helen Keller's remark, that there is always somebody (in our society) better off than ourselves. But if we look at the entire world, we see that we are amongst the privileged few.

Marry for money or love or what?

  I am looking at the tragic end of L'Wren. What were her problems? Money? She was in debt. Regarding finance, she was told her boyfriend was not a bottomless pit.
   Is that why he did not marry her? He had already had two marriages and costly divorces.
   Marriage and wills are about: who pays the bills, being financially together, dividing all your assets in half when alive or divorcing, if the other dies automatically inheriting the house and money in the bank.
    Marriage is about money and time. She claimed to want to be independent financially. Maybe she didn't want his money - she wanted his time.
   Marriage also means status. 

Success in relationships and life

Bolivia holds an annual festival every January in which citizens buy teeny models of what they hope to gain in the coming year.
When I lived in Singapore I saw that the Chinese burned paper money and paper houses to symbolise what they wanted their ancestors to receive in the next life. I thought that was a waste of time and effort. But looking at the similar Alasitas festival I feel it makes sense to stick up a picture or model to focus on what we want in this life. It is recommended by many psychological systems. Religion says you should pray. You can tell others what you want to achieve. I remember when my boss eric Webster died another member of staff met me on the stairs by the coffee machine and asked what I wanted to do next. I said I'd been a personal assistant in Pembertons Advertising agency for about a year. Now I wanted to be a copywriter. A few hours later the head of the Copywriting department called me in to be his assistant sending out memos, I was given a job writing copy for the card for the girl who was leaving, I wrote Wishing You A Rosie Future, (her name was Rosie). The copywriter drew a rose - I asked him to draw her face in the middle of it. She was thrilled with her personalised card and the next day I was given my first real copywriting task and then became a full time junior copywriter. So the model serves two function, it helps you focus, and it tells everybody around you what your aims are. The friends and family who see your reminders might speak to you, reinforcing your determination to succeed in your quest. Or they might pass on useful information, such as an advertisement for a job, or bargains at a department store.  Whether you marry off youngsters or concentrate on a job, focus on your aims, with a list, picture or model.

See Bolivia's Alasitas festival 

Banish Monday Blues With Work-Play-Sleep Balance

The reason for disliking Mondays is probably one of these
1 You had a late night Friday or Saturday. Afterwards you got up late Sunday morning. So now your body clock is reset. You are not ready for normal waking time on Monday. You can't sleep at midnight because you are not yet tired and stay awake at night. But you didn't get enough sleep so you are tired in the day. Solution, end late nights at weekend.
2 You went to bed late at the weekend but got up normal time. So you had too little little sleep Sunday. You are tired on Monday. Solution, get eight hours sleep. Or nap in the day and catnap at breaks.
3 You don't like your job. Maybe you should find another job. In another company. Or the same company. Or do a second job or evening job you like as a volunteer.
4 Did you have a day of rest? Monday is a contrast to the weekend. The weekend should be refreshing your energy for a great start on Monday. Maybe you worked through the weekend and now have both a workload and guilt because you can't take time off. Time to delegate. Time to take the weekend off. (Or change jobs.)
4 Everybody talks about hating Mondays. The mood is catching. Stop it. Just talk about how refreshed you feel. How great it is to be back.
5 Everybody asks if you had a good weekend. You didn't. You feel embarrassed and disappointed in your wasted weekend. Stop asking if people had a good weekend. Say it's good to see them again.
6 Do you have any other solutions? If so, tell me. Tell yourself.
7 You are out of sync with the rest of the world. You work at night and evenings and want to rest or go shopping in the day. Others are annoyed because you appear to be doing less. You think you are not doing less, just at different times. But their resentment or anger upsets you. You and workmates all think the others are unfair. Find a job where others work same hours as you. Or change your hours to be in sync with them.

Turn the tide against tragedy?

Another family in the USA where one divorced parent kills themselves and the children. The stresses in life include bereavement, loss of job/income, moving house, and divorce. If we could remove moving house from the divorce equation that might help. How? I recall my friend Sandra who lived in a town house next to her mother. The doors linked their kitchens on the first floor (ground first in the UK, which would be second in the USA). Just like the bedrooms in some hotels where parents and children can have adjoining rooms and you can pop into each other's rooms without having to dress to go out into the corridor or remember door keys.
Can't be that difficult to design adjoining flats or adjoining terraced housing. 

Optimism, pessimism, depression

The positive thought to remember is that life has its ups and downs and if you can wait another year, another month, another week, even another day, some of your problems will go away.